i have a dream

I have a dream.. a big dream. I feel i'm alive again. Being a crew life, better not to expect anything.We talked about it with the crew on my last Paris flight. We were about to take off and suddenly, we heard the announcement from the Captain saying that we needed to go back to the gate to check the aircraft engine. We didn't know what will happen to us either to have flight cancel or going back deadheading or we could be operate the flight .. 

You'll never know what will happen tomorrow. But, if you don't plan anything, you won't have any hope. If you don't have hope, you'll feel that life is meangingless.. You won't know where should you go next and what should you do. That's what i got to know after my depression days.

Now, i have a dream. I know what i want and what i'm doing. Actually, there are so many things that i need to do in my life. When i forget about these, i'm lost. I love my family. I need a life. And i'm gonna make that happen. Whenever i think about marriage, i get to know that i'm not ready 100% to be a mother. I"m so sure i could be a good wife. Sometimes, i feel like i want to go back to my childhood with the situation right now. For sure, not like the way i had. i don't wanna go back to my childhood life with the situation i had before. But, i want to create another perfect family life by myself with the family God has given .You won't understand  what i'm saying.. You won't know what i mean exactly. But, i wish you know.. ha ha.

I still want to act like a baby sometimes. Since i graduated, I was leading my life and my family as a big daughter and sister. I always feel like i'm the oldest one in the world. The mature one ever. Ha ha..

Finally, I'm not. I could be. But, i don't want to choose that way for now. So??? I will make sure i have a wonderful family life that God has been given me before i choose my own family life. It means, i will go back to my family after resigning, i will enjoy every single days with them. I will show them my respect, appreciation and my love. I want to stay with my parents and my lovely brother and sisters before i get married. That's my plan. For how long i don't know. It could be few months until few years. Don't know exactly. But, i will keep going day by day with Faith and another dream which is my own family life with my husband. 

I want a car now. And i want a video camera, a touch screen mobile, a professional canon Camera and my romantic own room where i will stay with my family. I will make sure i have it this year.  

Lord, My God , please help me to fulfil all my dreams that i plan for. I trust you lord. As long as you are with me, I'm fine. I love you. Please don't leave me alone. Please bless me, my family and my koeko now and forever. Lead me where to go, what to do. Guide me in your way. And let me be in your presence till we meet in the heaven. Forgive all my sins and have mercy on me. In the Jesus Name I pray. Amen.........